Like most holidays, Mother’s Day is not always a day filled with celebration and joy. While a day to honor mothers and all those who provide mothering is important, it also touches on the wounds of deep losses. Losses of those who have lost their mothers, those who've never known their first mothers, those whose relationships with their mothers are as full of conflict as they are love, and those who have had to disconnect from their mothers because the conflict and hurt is too much. It also activates the grief of the mothers who have mothered and lost, the mothers who could not mother the way they wanted to, and the mothers who question if their mothering was enough. Rather than feeling appreciative and/or appreciated on a bright spring day filled with flowers, we may feel more like we are wading through a dark and tangled swamp.
It may help to remember when faced with this grief that “mother” is not only a person. It is also, and maybe more importantly, a verb. To “mother” is not confined to biology, gender, family system or stage of life. It knows no time limits.
And what does it mean to mother and be mothered? Mothering is the ability to show up, to hold space with our presence, to want the best for another without expectation of a specific result, to trust in the insistence of life. Mothering is the reassurance of a soothing touch. The acceptance of a warm embrace. The nourishment and fullness of a comforting meal. Mothering is as much closeness as it is providing space and air. It honors the cycles of growth and the changing needs of those it mothers. It is as gentle as it is strong and firm and fierce.
Mothering is more than our mothers and it is more than us; it is a practice we can lean into for ourselves and others.
How can we celebrate when Mother’s Day brings us grief?
By honoring our needs right now, in this moment - whether that means needing time in solitude or time in community, time to cry or time to get swept up in activities.
By holding space for ourselves and our grief with love and compassion.
By connecting with those in our lives who have embodied mothering regardless of the societal role they have filled.
By exploring archetypes of mothers that bring us comfort and inspiration.
By honoring the ways we continue to practice mothering for ourselves and others, remembering this is a practice that is ongoing.
By remembering our earth mother - whether through digging in the garden, taking a hike, or just feeling the earth beneath bare feet.
Happy Mothering Day. Be well.
